How to Kill Boredom
by Peter Panties
Summary: One cool Jolteon. One gorgeous Leafeon. One annoying Sableye. One annoyed Sneasel. Nothing to do. You do the math. Rated for sexual themes. Oneshot. This story is a "pilot" of sorts.


One morning, on a gorgeous, privately-owned island off the south-east coast of the Sinnoh region, a Jolteon, a Leafeon, and a Sneasel were all lying lazily in the green backyard of their master's estate, a large, posh, two-story mansion. The trio of Pokemon were all staring at the cloudy sky, doing absolutely nothing. Frankly, this was because there was nothing to do in the first place. In other words, they were bored as all hell.

"Girls?" the Jolteon sighed in his natural language.

"Yeah, Jake?" the Sneasel answered.

"I'm bored as all hell."

"Us, too, Jake," the Leafeon concurred, "us too." She looked over to the Sneasel. "Got any ideas, Silvia?"

Silvia the Sneasel stood up and began to list some suggestions. "We could, maybe, play with our Sii."

"No thumbs," the two Eeveelutions stated at the same time.

"Okay… how 'bout we play by the beach?"

Jake sat up, stretching. Tiny sparks dotted his fur as he stretched. "I'm not really in the mood," he said. "What say you, Sarah?" The lovely Leafeon, also sitting up and stretching, shook her head. "Not really, honey."

Silvia folded her arms and closed her crimson eyes, in deep thought. About half a minute later, she looked back at her friends and said, "Why don't we ask our master for some stories?" Their master, Kevin Cross, despite being human, was able to fully communicate with his Pokemon through a "natural gift."

"He's getting supplies from the mainland with Targus and Giselle, remember?" Sarah spoke.

Silvia stamp on the ground, finally irritated with the lack of something to do after all this time. "That is it!" she shouted. "I'm going insane! Why the hell isn't there anything to do today? I'll tell you why there isn't anything to do today, as well as any other day: we're freakin' _pets_ now, that's why! Ever since Kevin retired from his little happy-hoppy-retarded adventure with us, he just decided, 'Hey, maybe I can just take all the billions of money I have, quit Pokemon battling to a lesser extent and just live with my friends and we'll all live happily ever after!' Well, I'm sick of it! If I can't battle as often as before, I want to at least have something to do on this godforsaken rock!" Silvia stopped her ranting and pacing for a brief moment to turn to her two friends, her back turned toward the mansion. "Bottom line, if nothing, absolutely nothing happens to me within the next ten seconds, I am gonna scream!"

Exactly three seconds after her decree, a small, purple blur burst through the twin back doors of the mansion, flying across the yard and smacking right into Silvia's back, causing her to fall flat on her face. Dazed for a short second, she then flipped onto her back to see the face of her assailant, only to be face-raped by a large, toothed mouth and ear-raped by the words being spewed out of it, apparently in song.

"_Put down that chainsaw and listen to me! It's time for us to join in the fight!_" The manic mongrel turned out to be Zasalamel, Kevin's Sableye, who claims to be a bigger clown than all the Mr. Mime and Mime Jr. in the world combined. "_It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys, it's time to let the bedbugs bite!_" The little indigo fiend then bounced on Silvia's head and began to run around the backyard, singing at the top of his lungs.

At this time, Silvia was _really _ticked off, so she jumped to her feet and began chasing the Sableye, shouting, "Zasalamel, you're gonna get it this time!" Zasalamel just kept running around while singing, "_Talk! With your mouth full! Bite! The hand that feeds you! Bite! Off more than you can chew! What can you do? DARE TO BE STUPID!_"

Witnessing all the insanity, Sarah began to giggle. "Well, at least Silvia found something to do."

Jake, sitting by Sarah's side, looked over to his girlfriend. "Don't you think he's gonna get hurt?" he queried.

"Of course not. Zas might annoy Silvia a lot, but deep down, she cares about him. Maybe even love him. Like I love you…" Sarah cooed as she buried her face into Jake's collar affectionately.

"I dunno. Even if you're right, they still can't breed. You know that." Suddenly, Sarah pushed Jake off his feet and pinned him down, the two making full eye contact. With their faces mere inches apart.

"You're just _adorable, _Jake…" Sarah whispered seductively.

"Grrfrrjikle, _Silvia, Zas,_" an embarrassed Jake grumbled.

"Oh, they won't notice…"

The two smiled before closing their eyes, Sarah slowly lowering her head down to Jake's. Soon their lips came into contact with one another in a smooth, gentle kiss…

"Woooo! Go, Jake, go!"

"Ugh, get a room, you two."

The couple quickly shot their heads toward Zasalamel and Silvia, apparently finished with the chasing and death-threats. They then looked back at each other, blushing madly and smiling sheepishly. Even though the family knew they were in love, they were still kind of shy about showing it to the rest of the world, especially so early in their relationship.

"Well, I guess the mood is ruined," Jake stated flatly.

"I guess…" Sarah then stepped off Jake and began to strut towards the open doors of the mansion, waving her luscious green tail with each step. "How about you and me take it up in the master's room, handsome?"

"Oh, I dig that," Jake said in a low growl before following his mate inside.

Silvia just crossed her arms and muttered, "Nymphos."

In time, Kevin, his Gardevoir, Giselle and his Salamence, Targus, returned to the island where they all lived together. After the three of them walked inside the mansion, Kevin headed up the stairs, requesting Giselle to handle the supplies and groceries while he changed in his room. But when he came to the end of the residential wing and reached for the doorknob, he heard noises from inside. Puzzled, he placed an ear to his door and heard… well, this:

"Oh, Jake… oh, Jake… yes! Yes!"

"Sarah, quiet! Unnh… Someone…might…hear us… nngh.."

"I don't care…give it to me! Harder! Faster! Deeper!"

"Okay…anything for you. Uh, uh, uh…

"Jake…oh, Jake, I love you! Yeah! Love me, Jake! Love…me…ah, ah, AH-"

"Sarah…Sarah! I love you, too! I…I…uh, UH-"

Finally getting the point, Kevin decided to walk out of the wing (very fast, by the way), leaving the beautiful couple to their deed. Strangely enough, he must have been smiling, because when he entered the kitchen, Giselle turned to him and calmly asked, "What's so funny?"

Still smiling, Kevin responded, "Nothing. Sarah and Jake are making Eggs."

"Again?"

"Yup."


End file.
